ESPN never told Tony Reali to tone it down. Not once.
Over 23 years of Around the Horn, which ends Friday, May 23, Reali steered conversations with dozens of panelists across tens of thousands of topics. Sure, a few segments got heavy. That’s what happens when you open the floor to honest voices. Reali says maybe 10 or 15 moments raised eyebrows. And really, only three or four ever turned into something more. But the show is not being canceled because of woke. Reali doesn’t buy that for a second.
He probably deserved better from ESPN. But he never stopped making space for the right kind of noise, even if he has some regrets. Specifically, he wishes he had never mentioned those kids in cages.
“There’s three or four I would want to take back,” Reali told Jimmy Traina on the SI Media Pod. “I don’t think that’s controversial. So come at me with a 100 different examples…”
Traina followed up by pressing Reali, asking him to name one moment he’d take back.
“Well, I absolutely went on TV, and this was now cited, again, so it stirred it up in me again,” Reali explained. “Two weeks after we lost Amadeo, and I’m incredibly raw at that moment, but I’m also intentional, and I know I want to come on, it’s the day after Father’s Day. And I want to talk about what I just experienced in my life. And I was given the opportunity by a fellow panelist. And this is maybe an example for people for the show now, really allowing for the full show of a human and serious stuff, sad stuff. ‘But, I’m only going to ESPN for an escape.’ Totally understand that.”
That panelist was Israel Gutierrez. And on June 18, 2018, with Reali just back on the show, Gutierrez ceded his FaceTime so Reali could speak about life, loss, and everything in between.
“This is what I decided to do. I was intentional,” Reali said. “I wanted to talk about what I went through in my life. And at that moment, I was an ABC News correspondent as well, and I’m following an ABC News story, but I’m really preoccupied in my life. So I literally said the words, ‘I’m thinking of families that are separated right now during Father’s Day.’ Kids in cages came out of my mouth. I have to own that I said that. And I have to get back into head, I felt like I sourced it with somebody that was in the greater family of my network.
“I would not have [said] that again if you gave me another chance. What I was trying to do in that moment was both — I bared my soul — but I did that. I was trying to connect other people… My experience of losing something. Well, Father’s Day is tough for a lot of people. They’ve lost children. And Father’s Day could be different for people right now that are being separated. And I have to own what that is.”
Reali and his wife, Samiya, had just experienced the kind of heartbreak most people can’t imagine. They were expecting twins. Only one survived. Their son, Amadeo, died just before birth. And yet, Reali showed up because he had something to say.
“The notes and condolences that my wife Samiya and I have received have got right into our soul, and I wanted to say that,” Reali began. “Talking about the duality of losing a child near childbirth and delivering another healthy one is impossible… How can you ever be whole again? Parents that have gone through this before, I’m going through this now. And I spent time pledging that it’s OK not to be OK. And for me, the recognition that I’ve come to is that life can be out of our control. And that’s OK. It’s how we respond and what we do. That’s what we have control of.
“So, here’s where I am today: grief is part of humanity. Grief is proof of humanity. Parents dealing with loss or anyone dealing with loss, meet yourself where you’re, give voice to your feelings. Young men, young women watching, this can be how you grieve. Don’t bury your heart. Keep it on the outside. And look to other people because humanity can lift us. That has been my experience, but I need to say this now: more duality. If I’m brutally honest, today my thoughts are with children in cages. That’s parents experiencing loss, too. Humanity needs to be better.
“Amadeo, I love you forever. You were named for God’s love. May we all be craving it. May we all be giving it to each other. And may we all be compassionate enough to give to all.”
Reali was referencing the Trump administration’s “zero tolerance” immigration policy, one that separated children from their families and placed them in cages to deter Central American migration.
Yes, the Obama administration’s 2014 crackdown laid the groundwork. But only under Trump did child separation become formal policy.
Reali stands by most of what he said that day, but not all of it. And he wishes he didn’t say it the way he did.