Bill Walton in a still from 30 for 30 “The Luckiest Guy In The World.” (ESPN Films.)
ListsOriginalsBy Awful Announcing Staff on

The world lost one of the most unique, beloved figures in sports, maybe even in all of humanity on Monday as Bill Walton passed away at age 71 after a battle with cancer. Walton was a brilliant basketball player, the freest spirit in the universe, and the greatest commentator in the history of Western civilization.

Is that an overstatement? An understatement? Is it real? Is it sarcasm? Is it causing you to consider your own place in the cosmos or this grand thing called life? The big redhead wouldn’t want it any other way.

As an analyst, Walton was 1 of 1. While he could break down basketball as well as anyone, where he truly made his mark was in the kind of commentary that only he could pull off – comparing NBA benchwarmers to Beethoven, teaching about bridges, or playing the glockenspiel.

The sad thing is so many of Walton’s amazing one-liners don’t have video accompaniment because they came before the age of social media when he worked for several outlets like NBC and ESPN, and calling games locally for the Los Angeles Clippers. We compiled some of our favorites in 2014 which included the following and are honestly barely the tip of the iceberg of wonderful Waltonisms:

“Come on, that was no foul! It may be a violation of all the basic rules of human decency, but it’s not a foul.”

“You look at Vladimir Radmanovic, this guy is cut from stone. It’s as if Michelangelo were reading and a lightning bolt flashed before him.”

“Yesterday we celebrated Sir Isaac Newton’s discovery of gravity. Today, Fabricio Oberto is defying it.”

“If Eric Piatkowski continues playing at this level, he’s going to replace Jerry West on the NBA logo.”

Thankfully, we were also able to span the archives for some of our favorite and most memorable clips of Bill Walton. So settle into your backyard teepee, throw on some Grateful Dead, and enjoy this long, strange trip where only the bravest and most beautiful souls dare, into the world of Bill Walton.

2010 – “When I look at Boris Diaw, I think of Beethoven and the age of the romantics. This guy has got it all.”

Walton had a way of going so over the top with praise that you couldn’t help but be in awe of his deadpan comedic mastery. Who else wouldn’t look at longtime NBA utility big man Boris Diaw and immediately think of Beethoven?

2013 – “A thing of beauty! Einstein, Da Vinci, Jobs! And now Tyreke Evans!”

One of the greatest Bill Walton quotes of all-time was when he was calling Sacramento Kings games in 2013 and comparing this Tyreke Evans layup to some of the great minds in recorded history.

2013 – “I was way in the back with Ray Lewis and it was unbelievable how much fun, oh my gosh, how many people were in there!”

During the 2013 Pac-12 Tournament, Walton was on an absolute roll. The highlight was Bill actually making a Ray Lewis limo joke on national television. Could you even get away with that one today?

2015 – “This is not radio, please!”

Even by his standards, Walton went on quite the tangent while going on a several minute long monologue about Bob Dylan during an USC-Oregon game. When Dave Pasch dared to draw his attention back to a college basketball game, Bill reminded him that moving pictures could suffice.

2016 – “Don’t you know anything about glockenspiels?”

If only Drew Brees had a glockenspiel with him in the booth, maybe he’d still be a top network analyst today.

2017 – “I love bridges. It really is the ultimate tool.”

While calling a Michigan State-North Carolina game, Walton used Miles Bridges playing in the game to give a brief essay on the benefits of this essential tool for transportation.

2017 – “Kyrie, the earth is round.”

One of the best things about Bill Walton was that he was always willing to teach viewers extraordinarily obscure facts, whether it be about music, volcanoes, wildlife, or pretty much anything in between. But when it came to the flat-earth beliefs of Kyrie Irving, he took a moment out of the broadcast to simply explain it for anyone who may still have questions about our spherical planet.

2019 – “Take a bite out of it while it’s lit.”

What else is there to say but this is the time Bill Walton ate a lit cupcake whole on national television.

2019 – “I’m not a very good catcher. I’m much better at getting high than getting lower.”

Walton actually called a baseball game in 2019 with Jason Benetti when the Chicago White Sox visited the Angels. There’s almost too many gems to pick just one, but we’ll go with this clever play on words about the art of catching and one of his favorite recreational habits.

2019 – “This Kansas team, oh my gosh, they are like a volcano, they are like a waterfall that just goes over everything, they are like a breaching whale that just jumps across your screen at indiscriminate times. What’s your name again?”

Never one to hyperbole, here’s Bill comparing Kansas basketball to a volcano, a waterfall, and a breaching whale, then transitioning to an immediate dig at Dave Pasch by reliving one of his favorite running gags and pretending (we think?) to forget his name.

2020 – “Great offensive rebounding here by the Buffaloes! Looks like they had some good grass at halftime.”

During an ESPN crossover event, Walton called a game with Pasch and NBA analyst Mark Jackson and he couldn’t stop talking about the grass in Oregon… while also giving a nod to Jackson and the 1999-2000 Indiana Pacers by completely taking over the play-by-play.

2021 – “Have you ever seen a bear fight a duck?”

“Football! Here we go!” Bill Walton was a guest picker on College GameDay and immediately was one of the best in the history of the program. It could only be compared to the accomplishment of summiting Everest or splitting the atom.

2024 – “Chewbacca was modeled after me.”

Dave Pasch asked Bill Walton about an urban legend that he auditioned to play Chewbacca in the Star Wars movies. As only he could, Bill told an amazing story while leaving us equally fascinated, mystified, and in awe as he always did every time he was on the air.