Keith Hernandez struggles to read Busch Stadium scoreboard: ‘Not everyone’s 20 years old’

Keith Hernandez is a national treasure.

And a lot of it has to do with the fact that he gives us at Awful Announcing a treasure trove of content that’s outside the regular norm for your average broadcaster. But these days, your average broadcaster isn’t pulling out binoculars on air. And if they do, they’re definitely not calling it out in real time.

When he’s not upchucking during a New York Mets broadcast on SNY, complaining about “el stinko” umpiring or “piss-poor” situational hitting, the 11-time Gold Glove first baseman is asking to borrow Gary Cohen’s binoculars to read Pete Alonso’s batting average on the scoreboard in St. Louis.

Alonso, the National League Player of the Month for April, had already homered against the Cardinals and was back at the plate in the eighth inning facing Yairo Muñoz. Meanwhile, Keith Hernandez was squinting at the Busch Stadium scoreboard like he was trying to make out another pickleball clip.

“Can I have your binoculars? I can’t read his batting average up on the scoreboard,” Hernandez said.

“It’s too high?” Cohen joked.

“No, it’s too tiny, sheesh,” Hernandez said. “.348, Pete, you get going… The numbers are too tiny. Not everybody’s 20 years old who comes to the ballpark. I mean, it’s too much information, too.”

Cohen noted that the stadium’s target demographic skews a little younger than the SNY booth. But Hernandez, even with a few more gray hairs, isn’t showing any signs of slowing down, and he’s even hinted at a broadcasting career that could mirror Ralph Kiner’s.

“You can’t say to the elderly, ‘Thanks for all you contributed. Now go away,” Hernandez quipped.

He may have a sturdy pair of prescription readers and Cohen’s binoculars on standby, but a good set of bifocals wouldn’t hurt either.

Please, never change, Keith.